Kids + Confidentiality
- Casey Gibbons
- 9 hours ago
- 4 min read
“Oh no! The kids heard that!” A pastor on staff is resigning. A marriage is in crisis. A teen is pregnant. Someone just passed away. You were right in the middle of handling a ministry situation that should be kept private but somehow your children heard it all. Ministry leaders know what it is like to hear the heavy and hard things about others and yet be expected to have it all remain private in the midst of parenting their own kids. That is no easy task.
While serving in ministry leadership with our six children, now ages 23 down to age 11, there have been countless confidential stories and situations that they heard about simply by living with us. Many times they could hear us on the phone or in another room conversing or they picked up on cues from people at church talking to us about private issues. Other times, we have had to purposely dialogue with our kids about people or challenges as things were evolving and they would eventually hear more.
Ministry leaders know what it is like to hear the heavy and hard things about others and yet be expected to have it all remain private in the midst of parenting their own kids. That is no easy task.
As you raise a family and lead in your area of ministry, here are three insights to leading your children when confidentiality is necessary:
Have a clear conversation. Once your children are somewhat aware of a crisis or situation, go ahead and address it. If you act like it didn’t happen, unhealthy curiosity to find out more is likely. Addressing it clearly with an honest conversation helps your child understand context with your balanced approach, which not only lets them “know you know they know”, but it also gives you a chance to speak accurately about it without them assuming inaccurate details. Equally important, allow them to process it with you.
Some of the info may be hard to handle emotionally so walk them through it and give as little of a burden as possible. They don’t need to know it all, especially if they are 12 and under. Have a clear conversation appropriate for their age and without stating everything about the situation.
Teach them all about confidentiality. Break down the “why” behind the “what” as you explain to your children that honoring the privacy of others is not simply knowing information and keeping it quiet. Confidentiality is a matter of respect for the other person, a matter of self-control for themselves, and a matter of accountability unto the Lord. Because they will hear years of complicated details about other people, this is the time to train children that their words can bring life or death to a situation and what they do and say matters. This isn’t only because they have parents in ministry either. This is necessary to have as a lifelong habit of being trustworthy as an individual.
...honoring the privacy of others is not simply knowing information and keeping it quiet
Conversely, remember to talk through the appropriate openness between you and them about when to share things for safety in other situations if the child is approached in an unhealthy manner or asked to “not tell.” It can be confusing so clarifying is helpful!
Keep Christ as the focused response. How we respond as mothers matters tremendously! Tempting as it may be, we need to avoid airing our own vented opinions with children. This isn’t the space to go off about others, even if it is true. Walk humbly and take it to the Lord with your words and actions. Demonstrate grace while giving hope for the healing that can come for those going through difficult times.
This is the perfect opportunity to be Christlike and take your burdens to Him while speaking life over the hard things. This will set up a healthy Biblical worldview in the minds and hearts for a lifetime!
As you handle private situations, erring on the side of including your children on the journey, helping them understand confidentiality, and processing it with Christ in mind, gives you and your spouse peace no matter what they hear!
"Kids + Confidentiality" is Entry Four in Sanctuary's May blog series, "Ministry of Motherhood". We've provided a brand new entry for this series each Monday of May 2026 from Ministry Wife-Mommas who are walking out this same journey as you! If you haven't already read the first three entries, be encouraged to go back and catch up. The principles included in each entry are timeless, valuable for every season of motherhood, and crucial for going the distance in the Ministry of Motherhood.
Casey Gibbons and her husband Scotty have been sustained by God's strength as their family has experienced numerous health issues while homeschooling six children and serving in ministry as national leaders, authors, and pastors. They celebrated their 25th anniversary this year and live in the Oklahoma City area as Lead Pastors at People's Church.
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