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The Marriage-Ministry Balance | 02



Today's feature is Entry Two of our 2026 The Marriage-Ministry Balance blog series, featuring insight from the Sanctuary lead team. Entry One, on the subject of "Newly Married Years", can be accessed here.

It had been one of “those weeks”, or more like a marathon! As a ministry wife, I feel confident you know the kind of week I am talking about: three separate extra church events in the same week for which my attendance was required, on top of our regular Sunday and Wednesday services (How does this happen anyways?! Who approves this kind of schedule in the planning phase? Can I get an “Amen”?!), both kids had themed dress-up weeks at school, it was our week to host our small group, our toddler came down sick with a stomach bug one day, several church members ended up in the hospital and needed visits and extra care, and I had signed up for one too many meal trains! It was the week that felt like would never end!


After surviving what felt like the longest week ever, I was picking up my then 2 ½ year old daughter, Kilea, from preschool and buckling her into her car seat, when she looked up at me with a confused and puzzled look. With honesty and innocence she asked, “Momma, what is wrong with your face? Why didn’t you put your face on today?” At first, I was offended! But as I walked around to the other side of the car, sat down in the driver’s seat, and looked into the rearview mirror, I realized I had never even done my hair or makeup that day! Kilea just wasn’t used to seeing me out in public that way and was simply wondering why I looked so different than I normally did when I picked her up from school.


Her question caught me off guard and also punched me in the gut. It also caused me in that moment to burst into tears, realizing the way I looked to her on the outside was how I felt on the inside. I was not my usual or best self. I was overwhelmed, exhausted, running on fumes, and holding on by a thread. The busyness of our season in raising kids, marriage, ministry, and every other part of life was definitely taking its toll on me, and I was certainly feeling “out of sync” and out of balance.


This became a turning point for my husband and I. We had some difficult and honest conversations and made an intentional decision to do a “reset” in our own lives, marriage, family, and schedules. We learned and began to implement some vitally important and super helpful tools and guidelines that drastically changed our mindset. We had to learn new ways to create and establish healthier rhythms in our own marriage and in the parenting years season of life.


  1. Put First Things First: We know God is a God of order. And one of the most powerful things you can do to bring peace in your marriage, ministry, and home is to get yourselves into proper spiritual order. Proper spiritual order as God outlines for us in Scripture is: God first, your spouse second, your family third, then your ministry and everyone else and everything else after that. Trust me, ladies: I know how challenging it can be to put our husbands second only to God and before our kids, especially in certain seasons like raising younger kids, nursing a baby, or even raising teens whose schedules never seem to consider what your schedule needs. But, if you are willing to fight for it and obey the order God gives us in His Word, I promise the blessing, grace, and ease that come from doing things God’s way are supernatural! And it is more than worth it!


  1. Establish Your Family’s Vision, Mission, & Core Values: Think about it: if businesses, churches, and organizations have these to guide them in how they run and in all the decisions they make, how much more should marriages and families have these important things established? Without a vision, mission or core values, you will always lack clarity and direction in your marriage and family and decisions will be much harder to make. Once you have a vision, mission, and core values in place, not only will you all be headed in the same direction, but these also then become the filter through which you make all of your family decisions. When you are asked to do something, if it doesn’t align with your core values, it is a much easier “no”. Knowing and naming as a couple and a family why you are here on the earth, what your purpose is, why God brought you together, what impact God wants you to have in the world and in the Kingdom, and what you want to be known for is powerful and a complete, total game-changer!


  1. Never Stop Dating Your Spouse: Statistics say that married couples date each other less in the parenting season than in any other season of life. However, the truth is: the very best gift you can give your children (and your ministry, for that matter) is an example of a godly, healthy marriage and two parents who love each other and have a strong, committed, growing marriage. The safety, security, and stability this provides for our children in our home is unmatched. Sadly, couples all too often end up saying “no” to the very relationship they value the most; not necessarily out of neglect, but out of unawareness. You can be AROUND each other, and still not be WITH each other. So, be intentional to schedule time with each other, and make it a goal to connect with your spouse daily, weekly, monthly, and annually.


How can you squeeze that into an already packed life?

Daily: Connect for at least 15 minutes, make eye contact, hold hands, ask about each other’s day, and check in on each other’s hearts. Weekly: Spend a few hours together, ideally on a date night; grab dinner together, have an “at home” date after the kids go to bed, pop some popcorn and watch a movie together, play a card game for two, or have picnic on a blanket on the living room floor. Monthly: Spend a day together, or at least a half a day; do something that is life-giving to both of you; take turns planning these days. Annually: Do everything within your power, especially in the parenting years, to get away with your spouse overnight, for at least a weekend, or ideally for a week. (Remember: travelling with your children is a trip; travelling with your spouse is a vacation.)


  1. Learn to Run Your Schedule; Don’t Allow Your Schedule to Run You: The only resource we spend and can never get back is our time. Sadly, our culture today wears busyness like a badge. And this was never God’s plan or design for us. A full calendar and a fulfilled heart, life, marriage, and family are not the same thing. We all are guilty of falling into the trap of saying, “This is just a busy season.” But the hard truth is: a season that never ends, or just repeats itself under a different name, is a lifestyle. Do a time audit as a couple (track every hour of your week) and then soberly judge yourself to name where your priorities have become misaligned, where you are wasting time, and what you are not giving enough time to. Build margin into your life, create buffer zones, say “no” more often, have weekly marriage meetings, regularly evaluate your schedule in each new or different season, and learn to protect your energy, not just your time. You will never just FIND connection time with God, your spouse, or your children, you have to FIGHT for it!


  1. Understand Everything You Say “Yes” to is a “No” to Something Else: Every time you say “yes” to something or someone, you are saying “no” to something or someone. Even “good things” become “bad things” when they cause us to say “no” to the most important things. Good things, left unchecked and without boundaries, can still take your marriage and family to an unhealthy and imbalanced place. So, we must learn to give up things we love for things we love more, to allow for our lives, marriages, and families to be in proper spiritual order and alignment. And we must daily remind ourselves, especially in the parenting years, the most important thing we are doing every day is actually WHO and the legacy we are writing and leaving.

“When marriage, ministry, and family all need you at once, balance isn’t perfection—it’s faithfulness in the middle.”

And remember: the word balance isn’t actually even found in Scripture. There is no such thing as equal time, equal energy, and everything steady. Balance is nearly impossible to achieve, and if you ever do find it, it doesn’t last. Faithfulness, surrender, and obedience are the goal. Seek first the Kingdom of God, and everything else will fall into place. It is uncomfortable, it is counter-cultural, and it feels risky. But, the goal actually isn’t perfect balance or a perfect schedule. It is a surrendered and intentional life, and life will always be full of many different seasons. Some seasons will stretch you, some will slow you down, and both can be obedience. You may never experience “balance”, but you can live a life of faithfulness, surrender, obedience, and peace. Having the marriage and family that you have always dreamed of is possible as you learn to do marriage and family by God’s design and no longer by default.

You're reading Entry Two in our 2026 blog series on The Marriage-Ministry Balance. Throughout the year we will feature one entry per quarter in this series, highlighting the four seasons every ministry wife walks through. Next up, "Mid-Ministry Years", set to publish in late July. Share your comments in the feed below about lessons you've learned in the parenting years of marriage + ministry.



Leann Cherry and her husband Travis have been married for 25 years and in full-time in vocational ministry together their entire marriage. The couple has two children, Kaden, 21, and Kilea, 16. Leann and Travis have served in pastoral ministry in MO, CA, MD, AL, TX, and have now made their home in Jenks (Tulsa area), OK for the past 10 years. They currently serve as pastors at their five-year-old church plant in Tulsa, The Connecting Co.


Leann loves all things Starbucks, ice cream, dark chocolate, Hallmark, holidays, celebrations, travelling, time with family and friends, and believes in taking a photo to document everything! Travis and Leann are extra passionate about investing into Godly marriages through marital coaching and conferences.


Connect with Leann:

Instagram: @leann_cherry_


 
 
 

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