Okay, ladies. Moment of truth here. How many of you, when asked how you’re doing, have responded with, “I’m fine,” or any alternative to such words? You know, if you spin the wheel of options, you could really pick any of the following: “I’m doing good”, “Never Better,” or my personal favorite, “I’m Blessed!”
We’ve all been there. We’ve all come face to face with this question and some of us can easily and truthfully answer with one of the above choices, but then there are some of us, when asked how we are, that everything inside of us wants to scream, “I AM NOT FINE!” We’re hurting, we’re lonely, and we’re stressed, but we quiet that voice in our head, smile politely, and respond with the cliche response, “life is good”, because an emotionally struggling wife in the public eye would be anything but fine. So then after a busy morning at church, a trip to the grocery store, or a ladies' gathering where we’ve had to put on our best self and come face to face with such conversations, we get in our car and ask ourselves, why can’t I just tell the truth?
Why can’t I just tell the truth?
Why do I feel the need to hide how I’m really feeling? Why can’t I just say, “you know, life is hard right now”, or “I’m feeling overwhelmed with balancing ministry and my job”, or “being a mom right now is really challenging”. Is it because we question the authenticity of the person asking, that we don’t want to be a bother, or scare someone off by telling the truth? Or, if we’re really honest with ourselves, is it because deep down inside we feel like if we were to share our gut level, honest response, that the person on the receiving end would find out that the woman they thought had it "all together” was a fake, an impostor, a woman that isn’t as perfect as the social media profile she often shares.
If that’s the case, I’ve come to tell you--you are not alone.
Being vulnerable is scary. Being vulnerable in ministry is extra scary. But...it doesn’t have to be. What if, over the next few weeks, we had an honest conversation about the reality that sometimes we don’t have it all together? I’m here to let you know that there are safe places for each of us to share our raw feelings. And I say us, because I have been right where you are. I have been the one to say, “I’m fine”, when inside I was wrecked with fear, anxiety, and depression. I have had to face the reality of needing to find help at a time when I was anything but fine.
Let's take a journey to healing.
Together over these next few weeks let's journey together to look at the truth about anxiety and depression and even the importance of therapy option. I will also share some resources for how to experience freedom in everyday life. The Message translation of John 10:10 says, “A thief is only there to steal and kill and destroy. I came so they can have real and eternal life, more and better life than they ever dreamed of.” I want to ask you: are you living the life you dreamed of? Or better yet, are you living a full life, but struggling to enjoy that life because there’s something inside of you that feels incomplete and in despair?
Everyday we are fighting an uphill battle against a culture of comparison that tells us that, to be “fine”, we have to look right, act right, and feel right. This false assumption is taking away our freedom in Christ and replacing it with the lie that we aren’t worthy of healing and that our shame is too great for others to bear. But ladies, if we remain quiet in our fear and anxiety, then we will not find the light that is inside of us, so desperately trying to come out.
It’s time to be honest with ourselves about what’s really going on inside of us because, if we aren’t there for ourselves, how can we truly be there for others? I recently read a quote that says, “Emotional pain cannot kill you, but running from it can. Allow. Embrace. Let yourself feel. Let yourself heal.” —Vironika Tugaleva
This is an invitation to join me on a journey of healing. I’m letting you know that you are not alone and I’m asking you to trust me as we walk this out together. Are you ready to say, “farewell to fine”?
An Invitation. is Entry ONE of Sanctuary's August series, "Saying Farewell to Fine", from ministry wife, counselor, and guest blogger Karmen Wilson. Don't miss one week of this authentic, behind-the-surface series. Take a moment today to share this insight with a friend. Let's say "farewell to fine".
Karmen Wilson has been a Licensed Professional Counselor for 12 years and worked as an elementary school counselor for ten of those years. She and her husband Cameron have been married for 11 years and have served in a ministry staff role, off and on, throughout their marriage, totaling about six years--Cameron in production and Karmen in teaching and small groups. The Wilson family recently moved to Los Angeles, CA where Cameron is the Production Director for Vintage Church. Together they are both passionate about following God's call on their lives and creating authentic relationships and community through church. In their free time, they keep busy playing cars and going to parks with their vibrant two-year-old son, Jaxson. They also love going to the beach and driving around, finding cool restaurants and attractions in L.A.! Karmen has a passion for helping individuals in the areas of self-discovery, healing past hurts, infertility, marriage, and parenting. She can be reached via email for consulting and coaching.