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Let’s Keep It Spicy!

I have now been married more than half of my life. I was married very young - too young. In fact, we told both of our children that they could not get married as young as we did. Let me just say, our marriage has not been perfect, but, rest assured, it has been an adventure - sometimes more adventure than what I signed up for.

Jim and I decided a long time ago that we were going to have fun in this life of marriage and ministry. We were going to protect our marriage, be friends, keep it spicy and still love each after the kids had moved out of the house.

I like to be practical, so I want to give you some practical things that will protect your marriage, keep the fun in your marriage, but best of all keep the spice in your marriage. Spice? You know what I mean. Keep the fun and sex in your marriage!

So here are some tried and true practices to keep your relationship fiery fresh!

1. Love & Respect

Wives submit to / honor your husbands, as you do to the Lord. Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. (Ephesians 5:22, 25)

Men want and need respect.

Women want and need love.

Why is it in the Bible that men are commanded to love their wives but wives are never commanded to love their husbands? It is because when a husband is loving his wife the way Christ loved the Church, a wife will automatically love him back. We wives love naturally. We wives wear so many hats and juggle so many things and we need our husbands to communicate to us how much they love us.

Men, on the other hand, are looking for honor. Your husband needs to know that you respect him. One of the quickest ways to ensure marital bliss is to brag on your husband: to him, to your kids and to everyone else you know. I promise you, there is a woman sitting in your congregation listening to your husband preach that thinks he is the most wonderful thing that ever walked on the earth. She doesn’t know that he leaves his underwear in the middle of the bathroom floor for you to pick up or that he forgot to take the trash out to the curb this morning before he left, leaving you to do it in your bathrobe. You, his wife, need to be his number 1 cheerleader!

2. Acceptance

The first few years of our marriage, I really thought that Jim didn’t like my personality. Our personalities are very different. We didn’t think alike - still don’t. Jim brings the fun and laughter and I bring the routine and schedules. We have learned that we bring diversity to each other and what might be my weak area is Jim’s strength. He brings a great balance to my life and I bring balance to his.

3. Friendship

One of my favorite things about our marriage is our friendship. Even though we share a lot of things, we are very different when it comes to what activities we like to do. Shopping would be at the top of my list but the last on Jim’s list of favorite activities; Jim would go to a movie every other night if his schedule permitted. By far, the favorite activity we share is spending time with our five grandchildren. We share a love for trying new coffee shops and watching our favorite TV shows, Blue Bloods and Shark Tank. Most of all, I love our times of sharing our deepest thoughts and the openness that we have between us. Trust me, we talk about EVERYTHING!

4. Prioritize

Keep your relationship a priority.

I well remember the years of raising young children; you have to really fight for your time together. The time spent together connecting heart-to-heart is worth fighting for. Jim and I have Sabbath together each week. We have one day each week that we take just for ourselves. We start with a leisurely morning of praying, Bible reading and studying. Then we hit one of our favorite breakfast spots, run errands, grab a coffee at a new place, talk about nothing and everything, shop a little, grab another coffee or iced tea, and then head back home. We just do whatever we want to do on our day off. We cherish these days and guard them. It’s our time and our day!

Life can get so busy and you have to keep your marriage your number one priority, second only to your relationship with Jesus. I am glad we worked at and nurtured our marriage through the early years, through the years with young children, and then through the teenage years because now it’s just “You and Me Babe!” How fun it is!!!

Note: I hope Drew and Natalie don’t read this!


"Let's Keep It Spicy" is ENTRY FOUR of our Marriage + Ministry series. To start at ENTRY ONE, click here.

Pam King is a lover of God, her husband, her children, her grandchildren, and her life's work in ministry. Alongside her husband, Jim, Pam has been in full-time ministry for more than 36 years, with 26 years spent in missionary evangelism to Ukraine and Israel. Pam's "no-nonsense" approach to life and ministry has made her a viable resource in teaching and speaking on a myriad of subjects, including a personal favorite of "Marriage and Family". The Kings are the founders of Awaking Hope and most recently added the task of lead pastors to their ministry plate as they currently pastor Victory in Austin, TX.

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